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Monday, April 24, 2017

Don't use Your Child As A Pawn

Parental Alienation is yet another way that children can be hurt by adults they trust and love. Young children often find their selves in the middle of a war zone with parents on opposite ends. Parental Alienation is detrimental to the child as it isolates them from parents they love. Children do not ask to be born but the adults who make that choice are in control. These adults most likely have cared about each other and loved each other so much they wanted to have a child. Yet when problems arise and they decide that their love is not strong and that feelings of hate have entered these parents begin to war. The ones hurt are the innocent children that often have no say and become victims of a form of abuse that plays with their emotions.

A child has unconditionally love for their parents. Even when they are moody, sad or in trouble will they decide not to love someone. They love with an open heart that is simply what a child does. Grown adults that they love can manipulate, control and abuse a situation that they not the child is in control of. NO child should have to do this yet it happens often. Even when parents can not be together their child should not have to choose between them. There is no excuse for the child or children to suffer a loss of a parent. Far too many children go through this pain when it is unneeded.

Children who are victims of abuse and have had to go under forced separation are often victims of post traumatic stress. They go under a wealth of emotions and some children find it hard to deal and accept. They may feel hurt never wanting to see the parent that was apart from them then in the next moment want to be with them nonstop. This is why Parental alienation is considered a form of mental abuse. While it is not something physical it can provide the worst pain any child can suffer yet the one person who is meant to love them is often the parent causing them to feel such pain.

Hate is a learned behavior as it does not come naturally to a child. Any parent that would teach a child to hate o to fear the other parent is not a good parent but a danger. Children are not stupid they understand more than we give them credit for. Sadly they understand what is going on and in time will react. They will learn one day that the parent who was kept away from them may really love them and really did want to see them. A parent who loves to have control over their child, over their ex, over the courts to simply be in control is wrong.

The U.S. Senate defined this type of child abuse in U.S. Senate, SB 577. 
 Indoctrination a parental alienation syndrome into a child is a form of emotional abuse because such programming result in the attention and even destruction of the child's bond with a good, loving parent. Child abuse has been variously defined into 4 different types neglect, emotional abuse, physical abuse and sexual abuse. 

While a form of child abuse many courts tolerate it. Parents that are doing this should be held accountable. No child should suffer a life of questions, pain and loss. A child that endures a life of alienation from a parent will often feel the pain through their life. Parents should be aware of what they are doing to their children and if needed yes keep them from the other parent but if it out of want of control, anger or jealousy then they should reconsider. The child often becomes a pawn in the world  between his or her parents. Children who have been done in such a way have been showed to have:

  • anger issues through out their life
  • loss of self confidence as well as self esteem
  • loss or a lack of impulse control in conduct in general
  • clinging and separation anxiety
  • developing of fears and anxiety
  • depression and suicidal tendencies
  • sleep and eating disorders
  • educational problems
  • wetting and or soiling the bed
  • drug abuse 
  • self destructive behaviors
  • anxiety and panic attacks
  • damaged sexual I.D
  • poor peer relationships
  • excessive feelings of guilt 
  • obsessive compulsive disorder

Currently have grand-children that are experiencing a war of sorts between their parents. Please if you are seperated from your partner that battle is between the two of you . You are both adults please remember that you can damage young lives through the games you play. Stop before you damage your children let the battle be between the adults and all love the children.


  1. I was in a situation with my ex-husband where he pulled a lot of these tactics with my kids. I'd beg and beg him to quit using them like pawns in a chess game. I hate when this kind of behavior goes on between parents. Kids should never be put in the middle.

    1. I so agree they should never be put in the middle and have their choices made for them. Adults can make their own choices children can not thanks for sharing and I hope things got better for you
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