Last year we saw our daughter end her marriage and go through a divorce. This was hard for all. Our little princess felt it a lot as well. I have heard her say more than once "I wish my mommy and daddy were still together" or "back when mom and dad and me lived in one house" While divorce is hard for all we should always be ready to help the children and keep them in mind when decisions are made.
Take some time and think about these questions to ensure that you are doing the best for your child. While staying together is not always possible it is best to help the child out and remember they love both mom and dad
• Did you respect the fact that children innately love both parents and are wounded when one of them is disparaged, regardless of your personal perspective about it?
• Did you force your child to be a spy or go-between, taking on responsibilities that children should not bear?
• Did you ask your child to choose between loving Mom or Dad, or take sides in any way?
• Did you keep their other parent from active participation in their life because you wanted to hurt your spouse?
All of the things are above are behaviors that are often made without considering the children's feelings and often out of revenge. Children often are left scarred from the inside out. Often the issues that cause the damage is not needed. The divorce is not what harms the child it is the actions that take place during a divorce. Tension, discord, anger, and disrespect toward the other parent is actions that harm children.
Think twice before you act or speak. Is it really needed or is it something that is only there to hurt your ex-partner. Keep the feelings of your children in mind, they will thank you and remember when they grow up.
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A divorce can be a big challenge. You bring up great points about making sure that the children are not unnecessarily hurt. So important.
ReplyDeleteexactly
DeleteDivorce is a very big decision and parents are big factor to make these kind of decisions. Their support and guidance does matter in these type of decisions.
ReplyDeleteI agree and if we try to remember the young ones as well they will also be cared for in all decisions
DeleteI do not agree or support any talk about "staying together for the sake of the children," but I absolutely concur that it is very important to keep it respectful and mindful of the children.
ReplyDeleteI am with you I do not support that either as it takes it every one and no one is normally happy that way but I do think that children should be considered
DeleteI am with Claudette in this one. Staying in an unhappy marriage is not good for the children.
ReplyDeleteI agree as well and that is not what I am trying to say I am writing from the child's point of vies for that is the side that is most forgotten
DeleteIt is definitely harder on the kids than anyone else. The emotional trauma brought upon them during a divorce is irreparable. It's something we can never take back. I'm glad you were there to support your grand kids during the process.
ReplyDeleteThis is a tough subject and one that I find hard as my daughter was part of my divorce but as I had a protection order it made it easy, as we didn't have to see her father.
ReplyDeleteI had a doctor tell me son that his friends that had divorced parents were never going to amount to anything because of their parents. Never saw that dr again and reported her to the medical bar. I don't think we should take marriage lightly but we should be happy and our children see how we interact Blessings to your family
ReplyDeleteDivorce is a serious and sensitive issue, it could affect kids. But staying in a bad marriage is not good in kids.
ReplyDeleteDevorse was a really hard feelings for the kids. Sometimes they can't accept so the ending was a child was stress
ReplyDeleteI agree... kids can be upset but won't tell us about it. Divorce could affect kids in a negative way
ReplyDeleteIt's sad to see the disrepair and know there is nothing you can do to fix it. It's worse when both parents aren't working to make it as easy of a transition as possible for the kids.
ReplyDeleteI also don't support being together for the sake of the kids, but you are right about all this. All of the things you mentioned are behaviors that are often made without considering the children's feelings. This often leads to kids rebelling and going astray.
ReplyDeleteWe do not have divorce in our country but I've seen marriages crumble and end. My parents alone are kind of separated and things aren't going well between them. I'm no child but I am already having a difficult time with their set-up so I can imagine how hard it is for children when they are caught in the middle.
ReplyDeleteDivorce is never easy but anyone can overcome it.
ReplyDelete